A Complete Review of 3G Internet's Debut Project: 3G INTERNET
Warning: NSFW Language
In this review, I’ll be listening to 3G Internet’s debut musical project titled “3G INTERNET” in its entirety and breaking down each track. Buckle up, we’re diving head-first into the world of underground, experimental hip-hop, and I have no idea what to expect.
3G INTERNET TRACKLIST
I HATE MOSQUITOES (2:16)
Swift (Scrambled Eggs Edition) (4:40)
Wet Floor Sign (5:34)
KRASH (7:04)
Crayon Eater (3:14)
Total Runtime: 22:48
There is no shortage of creativity when it comes to the track names. What does “Scrambled Eggs Edition” even mean? I guess we’ll find out! Let’s dive into the nitty-gritty and listen to this project!
I will not be rating these songs. Everyone has an opinion, and it’s best if you make your own. You can find each song directly from this article.
I HATE MOSQUITOES
Track Length: 2:16
The song begins with a wobbly, eerie bass leading into a sampled, spoken intro vocal. It’s hard to tell if the use of this vocal is meant to be comedic or creepy. If I had to bet on it, I’d say it’s a bit of both. It drives home the overall mysterious vibe of the intro. Layered sirens act as a riser as we approach what I assume will be the beat-drop, adding suspense and gravity to the experience. A glitchy lead vocal comes, leading us into a bar of silence before the drums take the stage.
When the beat drops, distorted drums accompany aggressive rap vocals, and it sounds slap-tastic. Almost as soon as 3G Internet slaps you with some dope shit, they add some scream vocals in there, and let me tell you, an itch was scratched.
About halfway through the song, another vocal pallet emerges. This vocal is the main for a few bars, and then what feels like a pseudo-hook repeats until the end, adding layers every few bars. I do enjoy the lyrical content. I heard a lot of video game references, but in a way that makes me feel guilty for how much I play. That might just be me. I need to see a therapist. There also seems to be a hint of parody tucked deep into the track. Let’s see if that continues to show up in the rest of the project.
Swift (Scrambled Eggs Edition)
Track Length: 4:40
The distorted flute sample on this is NASTY. Combined with the thumping 808s, it makes for a grimy intro. True to the theme, the vocals appear alongside heavy, distorted drums. The vocals are tasteful and in-your-face. Their verses and hook switch between a chill flow and an aggressive one respectfully, amplifying the feeling of tension and release. This is experimental hip-hop at its best. I’m really digging this project so far.
About halfway through, they hit you with a nasty sample slowdown, changing the vibe while sticking to their distorted roots. The lyrics attack the reality of mental health struggles. Multiple times they say substances don’t help, which I’m sure a lot of people can relate to. Annoyance with the world, the desire to live better, and classic “rapper confidence” themes scatter themselves throughout. Some listeners will listen because the beat slaps, but the lyrical content has substance. So far, the first two tracks are flamboyant in their attempts to break industry standards in both their lyrics and production.
The ending has its own uniqueness, repeating a catchy chant until the finish line. If you’re a fan of screams, you’ll love it. After you get done moshing, head on over to the next track!
Wet Floor Sign
Track Length: 5:34
Wet Floor Sign is a nice change-up from the over-the-top production in the first two tracks (at first). A calming piano carries the chord progression into a dance-inducing verse. This is probably my favorite song from this project. From the relatable lyrics to the soothing, tasteful accompaniment (the backing vocals on this song were done incredibly well), Wet Floor Sign brings a great deal of sauce to the table. Don’t let it catch you slipping.
Immediately, I can relate to the theme of the lyrics. Time doesn’t stop for anyone, and life changes with every passing day. Friendships and relationships, like day turns to night, fade in and out of our lives. Sometimes it happens for the better, but we can still miss the people who drifted away. Wet Floor Sign, at its core, is a groovy ode to melancholy.
Until it’s not.
Okay, so there are essentially two different songs crammed into Wet Floor Sign. When I say different, I really mean it. Remember all that “night and day” bullshit I was spewing in the paragraph before? That’s a perfect way to describe the transition into part two of this banger. Part two is nothing like part one. Somehow, even though the beat on part two made me want to throw up my lunch (in the best way possible), it kept some chill elements, which I found very tasteful. The lyrics in part two… I’m not gonna tell you. Just listen. I think we’ll both be better off that way.
Krash
Track Length: 7:03
I think I’m going to lose my mind somewhere on this journey. The initial beat is infectious. I found that the bass was super-tasty when paired with the lead sample. I can’t really tell if it’s a synth or some sort of piano, but that doesn’t really matter. I started drifting slowly into insanity when I found myself bobbing my head to the hook, not realizing what they were saying. I started laughing pretty hard when it clicked. I don’t wanna spoil it, but it’s absolutely ridiculous. Take a listen for yourself.
AND THEN HERE WE GO AGAIN WITH ANOTHER COMPLETELY DIFFERENT SONG SEWED ONTO THE ASS OF ANOTHER ONE LIKE A HUMAN CENTIPEDE; THIS SONG HAS A PART TWO TOO.
I didn’t expect a super-dancy, EDM-inspired, kick-drum-driven beat switch, but, like, I should have. This whole project has been a tribute to shenanigans. A true ballad of absurdity. I don’t even remember how to form logical opinions. Logic doesn’t exist here, but it doesn’t need to. It goes pretty hard. The lyrics are comedic, then serious, then comedic, then serious. I have no idea what’s going on.
OH YOU THOUGHT THEY WERE DONE!?!? THHERE’S ANOTHER BEAT CHANGE, MOTHER-FUCKERS. AND THEN ANOTHER ONE. THESE LADS ARE OUT OF CONTROL.
I don’t know if I’ll ever recover from listening to this project, but honestly, I don’t think I want to. I’m five minutes into this song wondering if any of this is even real. My family, my friends, my dog, the earth, does it exist? What is humanity? Am I dreaming? Will I ever ascend to a greater power? Is this purgatory?
Nope, turns out I just have 3G Internet. There’s no cure, baby. Onward to the last track!
Crayon Eater
Track Length: 3:14
The intro hints at this track possibly being the closest to “standard” when it comes to hip-hop. A simple, catchy lead pairs well with the ad-lib-heavy vocals, hi-hats, and snare. This doesn’t last long. The ever-prevalent, in-your-face nature of this project comes alive after the transition from intro to verse. Distorted synths and vocals take us back to that stank-face-inducing style of production we’ve grown accustomed to. Staying true to their experimental absurdity, most of the vocals after the first verse are heavily overproduced. That isn’t a complaint or an insult, either. It fits well with their over-arching theme.
Clocking in at three minutes and fourteen seconds, Crayon Eater is the second-shortest song on this project, yet packs a heavy punch. They managed to keep the entire song fresh without straying too far off from the initial motif. Kudos to 3G Internet for flexing their creativity here.
Final Thoughts
Well, that was a journey. I lost myself a little bit there, but I’m back to reality. I can’t stress the word experimental enough when describing 3G INTERNET. Take your industry norms, pack them into a compact, easy-to-throw ball, and throw them into a hole. A deep hole. Then bury them. Bury them all. There is nothing normal about this project. 3G Internet managed to pack a whirlwind of substance, absurdity, parody, and emotion into twenty-two minutes. Can I tell you what any of it was about? Not really. Did I like it? Yes. It was done well. I think their style of music is easy to screw up, so I’m pleasantly relieved that it was pretty solid. Go ahead and follow 3G Internet on social media to stay up-to-date on their musical journey.
3G Internet is on:
& all major streaming platforms!
